About Me

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My name is Ashley and I am 20 years old.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Baby I can see your halo...You know you're my saving grace...

Well boys and girls!
Here I am!
Happy Halloween!!!

I have been seeing this guy :)
His name is Brandon
and he is amazing.
He treats me so well,
just like a Princess.

I think this Cinderella
finally found her
Prince Charming...
For now, let's just
see how things turn out.


In other news!!! I am
all registered for school!
I start January 9th for
Elementary Education!

Books are gonna cost me
out of the tushie! D:

Well thats all I have for now...



Friday, October 14, 2011

It's been a while.

There are a lot of things going on.


It's been more stressful than ever lately.

My moms been in more pain
and I dont know what to do.

My uncle is an ass
and is losing the family he
has because he wants
to act like hes 2.

We are barely going
to make the bills this month.

I've lost 3 dear
friends this month
for no damn reason.
(they just stopped talking to me
and idk why)

I just wish everything would
go right for once!

The only things that have been
going right, is the fact
I start school in
January and I have my
friends and family.

I just... I dont
know anymore...

I think its bedtime.
Sorry for the shitty blog. (


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

You, me, and heartbreaks...

Funny little cupcake, aren't I??

                                                          I’m sitting here, with a coke zero
On one side of me, my phone on
My leg, my itunes on,
In pajamas, AND a band-aid
On my pinky finger.

I broke my nail straight across
Today at work
While helping a customer.
I was a baby and put a band-aid over it.
(Yes, I got a job at Staples!)

                                            Listening to: The Only Exception-Paramore

So, I have been thinking
About the good and bad things


For those who have not
Heard, R****** has
Been being a dick
As usual.
I went to my friends birthday
Party a week ago and
Had 3 shots.
I feel asleep on the couch
And he called twice.
I was sleeping so of course
I didn’t answer.
Well when I called
Him back, he called me
A whore, slut, cutting bitch,
Cock sucking whore, trith,
Whining slut, etc

Listening to: Slide- GooGoo Dolls!

Great isn’t it? Being
Called all of those things?
Way to make my self-esteem
And self-confidence
Shoot threw the
Damn roof!

Anyways… Work has been
Great! I have been
Doing so well!
I have been getting really
Good compliments from
The managers and senior
Associates. Not to
mention customers!
Even though, there
Are something’s
I need to work on,
I have been doing well…

Listening to: Just A Kiss- Lady Antebellum                

Well, now there is a new subject.
Some of my readers know about this.
I am in love.
(I know, I know but just read)
I have been for quite a while.
I.E. 4 years!
And NO! It’s not R******.
He is my best friend.
Even he knows!

I can’t wait to see him.
Vacation soon?
I think so!

Well, fuck that. He just lost
Me. Possibly for good.

Listening to: What’s This? -Flyleaf.

Well, I guess He-who-must-
Not-be-named was right.
I’ll never be good enough
For someone.
Obviously not, since
My heart is being
I just wanna be loved
By someone who wants me.
Not a “Oh you wear
Your heart on your sleeve
So I’m gonna use you”

Listening to: Uprising- Muse

I think I'm done for now.
I seem to be all
jumbled from everything
that happened in the
past oh, idk...
10 minutes???

More later.


Saturday, July 30, 2011

A new me...

This entry is dedicated
to my best friend!
*well part of it anyway*

Well, since I have been home
I have seen some changes.
I think the have been good
changes but I have been
told they are bad.

I have been acting differently
and trying to get a good head
on my shoulders.
Getting everything
put into place and trying
to get back into
a good habit.

Its going good so far.
I have my best friend,
family, a job,
a place to live,
 and a car to use until
 I can get one.

I am done being way
to nice to people who
do not deserve it.

My bestie is
helping me reaslize
I am much to nice.
I shouldnt be wearing my
heart on my sleeve like
I have been.
Being way too nice
has been my
biggest down fall.
I forgive without
thinking about the bad
things that have happened.
I forgive without
realising I am
setting myself up again.
This will happen
No more
Ms. Nice Girl.
Shes gone.

Well, this is all
I can think of right now.

More later.


Wednesday, July 20, 2011

My mother.

I know I
talk about my mom
sometimes and
not nessicarily
in a good way at times,
but todays blog is all about her.

I love my mom. She
is my hero for many reasons.
Being a young mother
at the age of 20, she did what
she could to give us a life
we could be proud of.
She divorced the man who
helped create me.
(I dont not recognise him
as my father.)
She worked 2
jobs and went to school,
just so we could have
a place to live, clothes, food,
and the nessicary items
to have a comfortable place to live.
She never asked for any help unless
we really needed it.
I dont want to say
my mother was proud of
everything, but she did
what she had to do.

My mother did the
best she could in raising me
the way I should be raised.
I have made mistakes,
but who hasnt?

When I was in 5th grade,
my mom married again.
I am proud to say
she is happy :)
They are going to celebrate
their 11th anniversary this year.

A few years ago my mom
was diagnosed with

For those who do not
know what it is, fibromyaliga
is a chronic disorder characterized by
widespread musculoskeletal pain, fatigue,
and tenderness in localized areas.

She never complains that she is
in pain or that shes hurting.
She works 7-14 days STRAIGHT
It hurts to see how much pain she is
in. She can't sleep in her own bed
because her hips hurt really
bad when she lays flat so
she sleeps in the recliner.
It makes me mad when
others are like "oh im in
so much pain from (insert words here)"
when my mom has a disease
she can't control.
It makes me just want to
run away and cry for
hours because I know
I can't do anything to help
her pain go away.

My mother is my hero for
everything she has done.
I wouldn't give her up for the
<3I love you mom <3


Sunday, July 17, 2011

There's just too much that time can not erase...

So here I am at 141 am
just finishing a ham

I am single. I
am tired of wearing
my heart on my sleeve.
I just like, openly give
my heart away without thinking.
I need to stop doing that.
I thought this relationship
would be the last one I would ever
have from the way we talked
about things.
I guess I was wrong?

Idk. All I know is
I am a fool to think
I will ever find the one.

Maybe I am over reacting.
Well, no I know I am.

All I know is I waited 4 years
to be with him, and I got
my heart broken after 12 days.
Although I will say, as
of this moment
the promise we made is
still in effect.

Going from friends to
back to best friends will be hard.
I want to marry this kid.
Like really bad.
He told me he felt the same
but as of this moment, I
know/dont think he does.

Once again, I was played
and looked like a total and
complete fool because of it.

Once again, I am not hungry and
I dont expect I will be for a while.

Once again, I am slipping back
to how I was before.
(before the whole Ri***** thing)

Shut out the whole world for a few
days so I can try and think without
wanting to cut and feel like
even more of a failure.

Time for movies.


Saturday, July 9, 2011

And I dont want the world to see me, because I dont think they'll understand.

Ok soo!!! A LOT has
again happened.
On the 4th, I began a new
relationship with a nice Christian
guy I also met through
the military. :)
I know whoever
reads this will be thinking
I am not ready for a relationship,
but hes amazing :)
and I could not be happier.

He is nothing like
Richard. At all.
I am actually appreciated,
loved, cared for.

I will admit I made
a mistake getting
with Richard when I
knew I shouldnt have.
I knew that my feelings for
David would still be there
even though he's my
best friend. I think
all along I wanted David, but
just didnt want it to
be akward considering he
IS my best friend.
I know now this is
the right thing for me to do.
I know he is the one.
I hope hes not reading this
only because I would
be uber embarrased for no
reason lol!

Well, its 3 am so I
need to go to sleep!
More later!!!


Friday, July 1, 2011

Swing, swing, swing from the tangles of my heart is crushed

So here I am.
Sitting at a desk in..

I'm finally home.
The only down side
is the friends I made
and of course not
being able to see him. :)
Remove those thoughts.
Its Chris I want to see.
Not Richard.

The past few days have
been crazier than crazy!
With in 5 days, I packed,
stayed at a friends,
got a plane ticket, shipped
stuff home, and
then came home.

I miss everyone I met
at The Wall. I made
friends I hope to keep
for the rest of my life.
<3 I love you alll!!!!

So the next post will have
more too it! I have to do
Laundry and stuffs!

<3 Ashley!

Friday, June 17, 2011

My Story.

Recently I read a blog by a dear friend
and it inspired me to tell my story.
Who I am, how I got here,
whats happened to me.

My name is Ashley Marie Gebhardt.
I am 20 years old and was born and
raised in the Illinois/ Indiana area.
My mom raised me on her own 
while working 2 jobs and going to school.

My biological father wanted nothing to do 
with me. Thank God for that.

Growing up an only child was rough.
I had imaginary friends and was
an outcast all through out my 
child hood.
When I was 11 my mom married
my step dad (whom I call Dad).
I finally had a stepsister.
Shes awesome :)

About 3 months after my 16th birthday I 
started to date this guy.
He was really nice at first, 
then things got violent.
He became extremely abusive.
Mentally, emotionally, physically.
He raped me. Twice.
I became pregnant. 
When I was around 3 months, 
I miscarried.
After that, I was so
torn, I began to cut myself.
I didn't cut deep enough
to leave any scars, but enough to
make myself feel better about
I thought I couldn't tell anyone.
I was so embarrassed, disgusted,
angry, sad, depressed.
I didn't know what to do.

I kept getting into 
abusive relationships because
I didn't know any better.

High school was my hell on
Earth. I was made fun of
every day. I never wore the right
clothes, had the right makeup, hair
eyes, body, shoes, money.
It hurt to see that because
I was different, I was an outcast.
I could try and change,
but why change when it
wont help?

Around my 18th birthday, I joined 
the military. It was one of the best
things I ever did. I knew that
they would change me into
what I needed to be to be 
a better person. Every night
I would go onto the "Future Solider Chat"
*Or FSC as we called it* and talk to
people who wouldn't judge me.
Who I wouldn't have to
change for because who
I was was good enough for them.

That's where I met 3 of my
best friends.
 I talked to them every day. 
We had all exchanged numbers
and talked during the day and
during the middle of the night.
*technically we weren't suppose
to exchange numbers, but we had
become best friends and didn't care*
They had helped me overcome
my issues without even knowing it.
Knowing I was good enough
 to be their friend, helped
me soooo much. I actually
Live with one of them now.

After I was discharged from
the Military, things changed.
I became more distant.
My friends and I hardly talked.
I became disgusted with
myself all over again.
 I didn't know what to do.

I eventually joined a Makeup group
on face book and make all new friends.
At first I was kinda iffy about it. 
But, now all of these wonderful Women
*and Jack* have become a 
huge part of my life. They make
me want to be a better person. They
helped me realize I am good enough
to be here alive. I am better than
what I give myself little credit for.
I know they care and can help me
if I need it.  
I honestly don't know what I
would do without them in my life.

After moving in with Richard, I became 
even more happy. Even now that we
are not together I am sort of happy.
That was an emotional patch, and still is.
Even though he broke my heart and
caused me to stop eating, I still
love and care for him and I
know he feels the same.
*even if he doesn't show it
all that much. :P jkjk*
Going from Best friends to
boyfriend/girlfriend back to
best friends is hard to do.
I know we can overcome this 
bumpy patch in the road though.

I know this was emotional. 
I know this was sad 
and happy at times. But
 Im glad I said all of this.

<3 Ashley