About Me

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My name is Ashley and I am 20 years old.

Friday, June 17, 2011

My Story.

Recently I read a blog by a dear friend
and it inspired me to tell my story.
Who I am, how I got here,
whats happened to me.

My name is Ashley Marie Gebhardt.
I am 20 years old and was born and
raised in the Illinois/ Indiana area.
My mom raised me on her own 
while working 2 jobs and going to school.

My biological father wanted nothing to do 
with me. Thank God for that.

Growing up an only child was rough.
I had imaginary friends and was
an outcast all through out my 
child hood.
When I was 11 my mom married
my step dad (whom I call Dad).
I finally had a stepsister.
Shes awesome :)

About 3 months after my 16th birthday I 
started to date this guy.
He was really nice at first, 
then things got violent.
He became extremely abusive.
Mentally, emotionally, physically.
He raped me. Twice.
I became pregnant. 
When I was around 3 months, 
I miscarried.
After that, I was so
torn, I began to cut myself.
I didn't cut deep enough
to leave any scars, but enough to
make myself feel better about
I thought I couldn't tell anyone.
I was so embarrassed, disgusted,
angry, sad, depressed.
I didn't know what to do.

I kept getting into 
abusive relationships because
I didn't know any better.

High school was my hell on
Earth. I was made fun of
every day. I never wore the right
clothes, had the right makeup, hair
eyes, body, shoes, money.
It hurt to see that because
I was different, I was an outcast.
I could try and change,
but why change when it
wont help?

Around my 18th birthday, I joined 
the military. It was one of the best
things I ever did. I knew that
they would change me into
what I needed to be to be 
a better person. Every night
I would go onto the "Future Solider Chat"
*Or FSC as we called it* and talk to
people who wouldn't judge me.
Who I wouldn't have to
change for because who
I was was good enough for them.

That's where I met 3 of my
best friends.
 I talked to them every day. 
We had all exchanged numbers
and talked during the day and
during the middle of the night.
*technically we weren't suppose
to exchange numbers, but we had
become best friends and didn't care*
They had helped me overcome
my issues without even knowing it.
Knowing I was good enough
 to be their friend, helped
me soooo much. I actually
Live with one of them now.

After I was discharged from
the Military, things changed.
I became more distant.
My friends and I hardly talked.
I became disgusted with
myself all over again.
 I didn't know what to do.

I eventually joined a Makeup group
on face book and make all new friends.
At first I was kinda iffy about it. 
But, now all of these wonderful Women
*and Jack* have become a 
huge part of my life. They make
me want to be a better person. They
helped me realize I am good enough
to be here alive. I am better than
what I give myself little credit for.
I know they care and can help me
if I need it.  
I honestly don't know what I
would do without them in my life.

After moving in with Richard, I became 
even more happy. Even now that we
are not together I am sort of happy.
That was an emotional patch, and still is.
Even though he broke my heart and
caused me to stop eating, I still
love and care for him and I
know he feels the same.
*even if he doesn't show it
all that much. :P jkjk*
Going from Best friends to
boyfriend/girlfriend back to
best friends is hard to do.
I know we can overcome this 
bumpy patch in the road though.

I know this was emotional. 
I know this was sad 
and happy at times. But
 Im glad I said all of this.

<3 Ashley

Thursday, June 16, 2011

the latest.

Richard and I broke up
as most of you know.
I think I am 
strangely over it now.
The only thing I am worried about
is the fact I'm not eating.
I think the past 4 or 5 days I've
had 2 granola bars and a slice
of Papa John's Pizza.

Im just not hungry :/

Anyways. I'm happy
that my buddy from Iraq 
is coming home!!!!
He's my new
designated cuddle buddy.
I know the transition will
be hard for him, but I
am willing to help him out
as much as I can :)
I'm so excited!!

I have an interview Monday
at Universal and I hope
I get a job!!!

This has been a very 
random blog, but I posted!


Monday, June 13, 2011