About Me

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My name is Ashley and I am 20 years old.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

A new me...

This entry is dedicated
to my best friend!
*well part of it anyway*

Well, since I have been home
I have seen some changes.
I think the have been good
changes but I have been
told they are bad.

I have been acting differently
and trying to get a good head
on my shoulders.
Getting everything
put into place and trying
to get back into
a good habit.

Its going good so far.
I have my best friend,
family, a job,
a place to live,
 and a car to use until
 I can get one.

I am done being way
to nice to people who
do not deserve it.

My bestie is
helping me reaslize
I am much to nice.
I shouldnt be wearing my
heart on my sleeve like
I have been.
Being way too nice
has been my
biggest down fall.
I forgive without
thinking about the bad
things that have happened.
I forgive without
realising I am
setting myself up again.
This will happen
No more
Ms. Nice Girl.
Shes gone.

Well, this is all
I can think of right now.

More later.


Wednesday, July 20, 2011

My mother.

I know I
talk about my mom
sometimes and
not nessicarily
in a good way at times,
but todays blog is all about her.

I love my mom. She
is my hero for many reasons.
Being a young mother
at the age of 20, she did what
she could to give us a life
we could be proud of.
She divorced the man who
helped create me.
(I dont not recognise him
as my father.)
She worked 2
jobs and went to school,
just so we could have
a place to live, clothes, food,
and the nessicary items
to have a comfortable place to live.
She never asked for any help unless
we really needed it.
I dont want to say
my mother was proud of
everything, but she did
what she had to do.

My mother did the
best she could in raising me
the way I should be raised.
I have made mistakes,
but who hasnt?

When I was in 5th grade,
my mom married again.
I am proud to say
she is happy :)
They are going to celebrate
their 11th anniversary this year.

A few years ago my mom
was diagnosed with

For those who do not
know what it is, fibromyaliga
is a chronic disorder characterized by
widespread musculoskeletal pain, fatigue,
and tenderness in localized areas.

She never complains that she is
in pain or that shes hurting.
She works 7-14 days STRAIGHT
It hurts to see how much pain she is
in. She can't sleep in her own bed
because her hips hurt really
bad when she lays flat so
she sleeps in the recliner.
It makes me mad when
others are like "oh im in
so much pain from (insert words here)"
when my mom has a disease
she can't control.
It makes me just want to
run away and cry for
hours because I know
I can't do anything to help
her pain go away.

My mother is my hero for
everything she has done.
I wouldn't give her up for the
<3I love you mom <3


Sunday, July 17, 2011

There's just too much that time can not erase...

So here I am at 141 am
just finishing a ham

I am single. I
am tired of wearing
my heart on my sleeve.
I just like, openly give
my heart away without thinking.
I need to stop doing that.
I thought this relationship
would be the last one I would ever
have from the way we talked
about things.
I guess I was wrong?

Idk. All I know is
I am a fool to think
I will ever find the one.

Maybe I am over reacting.
Well, no I know I am.

All I know is I waited 4 years
to be with him, and I got
my heart broken after 12 days.
Although I will say, as
of this moment
the promise we made is
still in effect.

Going from friends to
back to best friends will be hard.
I want to marry this kid.
Like really bad.
He told me he felt the same
but as of this moment, I
know/dont think he does.

Once again, I was played
and looked like a total and
complete fool because of it.

Once again, I am not hungry and
I dont expect I will be for a while.

Once again, I am slipping back
to how I was before.
(before the whole Ri***** thing)

Shut out the whole world for a few
days so I can try and think without
wanting to cut and feel like
even more of a failure.

Time for movies.


Saturday, July 9, 2011

And I dont want the world to see me, because I dont think they'll understand.

Ok soo!!! A LOT has
again happened.
On the 4th, I began a new
relationship with a nice Christian
guy I also met through
the military. :)
I know whoever
reads this will be thinking
I am not ready for a relationship,
but hes amazing :)
and I could not be happier.

He is nothing like
Richard. At all.
I am actually appreciated,
loved, cared for.

I will admit I made
a mistake getting
with Richard when I
knew I shouldnt have.
I knew that my feelings for
David would still be there
even though he's my
best friend. I think
all along I wanted David, but
just didnt want it to
be akward considering he
IS my best friend.
I know now this is
the right thing for me to do.
I know he is the one.
I hope hes not reading this
only because I would
be uber embarrased for no
reason lol!

Well, its 3 am so I
need to go to sleep!
More later!!!


Friday, July 1, 2011

Swing, swing, swing from the tangles of my heart is crushed

So here I am.
Sitting at a desk in..

I'm finally home.
The only down side
is the friends I made
and of course not
being able to see him. :)
Remove those thoughts.
Its Chris I want to see.
Not Richard.

The past few days have
been crazier than crazy!
With in 5 days, I packed,
stayed at a friends,
got a plane ticket, shipped
stuff home, and
then came home.

I miss everyone I met
at The Wall. I made
friends I hope to keep
for the rest of my life.
<3 I love you alll!!!!

So the next post will have
more too it! I have to do
Laundry and stuffs!

<3 Ashley!