A new me...

This entry is dedicated

to my best friend!

*well part of it anyway*

:)

Well, since I have been home

I have seen some changes.

I think the have been good

changes but I have been

told they are bad.

I have been acting differently

and trying to get a good head

on my shoulders.

Getting everything

put into place and trying

to get back into

a good habit.

Its going good so far.

I have my best friend,

family, a job,

a place to live,

 and a car to use until

 I can get one.

I am done being way

to nice to people who

do not deserve it.

My bestie is

helping me reaslize

I am much to nice.

I shouldnt be wearing my

heart on my sleeve like

I have been.

Being way too nice

has been my

biggest down fall.

I forgive without

thinking about the bad

things that have happened.

I forgive without

realising I am

setting myself up again.

This will happen

NO MORE.

No more

Ms. Nice Girl.

Shes gone.

Well, this is all

I can think of right now.

More later.

<3Ashley

*PL&H*

Just links for my favorite songs today!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yP4qdefD2To&ob=av2e

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wxOVn99FTE&ob=av2e

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WoJV4NLxqg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuID7HgjD_E

My mother.

I know I

talk about my mom

sometimes and

not nessicarily

in a good way at times,

but todays blog is all about her.

I love my mom. She

is my hero for many reasons.

Being a young mother

at the age of 20, she did what

she could to give us a life

we could be proud of.

She divorced the man who

helped create me.

(I dont not recognise him

as my father.)

She worked 2

jobs and went to school,

just so we could have

a place to live, clothes, food,

and the nessicary items

to have a comfortable place to live.

She never asked for any help unless

we really needed it.

I dont want to say

my mother was proud of

everything, but she did

what she had to do.

My mother did the

best she could in raising me

the way I should be raised.

I have made mistakes,

but who hasnt?

When I was in 5th grade,

my mom married again.

I am proud to say

she is happy :)

They are going to celebrate

their 11th anniversary this year.

A few years ago my mom

was diagnosed with

Fibromyaliga.

For those who do not

know what it is, fibromyaliga

is a chronic disorder characterized by

widespread musculoskeletal pain, fatigue,

and tenderness in localized areas.

She never complains that she is

in pain or that shes hurting.

She works 7-14 days STRAIGHT

It hurts to see how much pain she is

in. She can't sleep in her own bed

because her hips hurt really

bad when she lays flat so

she sleeps in the recliner.

It makes me mad when

others are like "oh im in

so much pain from (insert words here)"

when my mom has a disease

she can't control.

It makes me just want to

run away and cry for

hours because I know

I can't do anything to help

her pain go away.

My mother is my hero for

everything she has done.

I wouldn't give her up for the

world.

<3I love you mom <3

<3Ashley

*PL&H*

There's just too much that time can not erase...

http://youtu.be/5anLPw0Efmo

So here I am at 141 am

just finishing a ham

sammich.

I am single. I

am tired of wearing

my heart on my sleeve.

I just like, openly give

my heart away without thinking.

I need to stop doing that.

I thought this relationship

would be the last one I would ever

have from the way we talked

about things.

I guess I was wrong?

Idk. All I know is

I am a fool to think

I will ever find the one.

Maybe I am over reacting.

Well, no I know I am.

All I know is I waited 4 years

to be with him, and I got

my heart broken after 12 days.

Although I will say, as

of this moment

the promise we made is

still in effect.

Going from friends to

boyfriend/girlfriend

back to best friends will be hard.

I want to marry this kid.

Like really bad.

He told me he felt the same

but as of this moment, I

know/dont think he does.

Once again, I was played

and looked like a total and

complete fool because of it.

Once again, I am not hungry and

I dont expect I will be for a while.

Once again, I am slipping back

to how I was before.

(before the whole Ri***** thing)

Shut out the whole world for a few

days so I can try and think without

wanting to cut and feel like

even more of a failure.

Time for movies.

<3Ashley

*PL&H*

And I dont want the world to see me, because I dont think they'll understand.

Ok soo!!! A LOT has

again happened.

On the 4th, I began a new

relationship with a nice Christian

guy I also met through

the military. :)

I know whoever

reads this will be thinking

I am not ready for a relationship,

but hes amazing :)

and I could not be happier.

He is nothing like

Richard. At all.

I am actually appreciated,

loved, cared for.

I will admit I made

a mistake getting

with Richard when I

knew I shouldnt have.

I knew that my feelings for

David would still be there

even though he's my

best friend. I think

all along I wanted David, but

just didnt want it to

be akward considering he

IS my best friend.

I know now this is

the right thing for me to do.

I know he is the one.

I hope hes not reading this

only because I would

be uber embarrased for no

reason lol!

Well, its 3 am so I

need to go to sleep!

More later!!!

<3Ashley

*PL&H*



Swing, swing, swing from the tangles of my heart is crushed

So here I am.

Sitting at a desk in..

INDIANA!!! :D

I'm finally home.

The only down side

is the friends I made

and of course not

being able to see him. :)

Remove those thoughts.

Its Chris I want to see.

Not Richard.

The past few days have

been crazier than crazy!

With in 5 days, I packed,

stayed at a friends,

got a plane ticket, shipped

stuff home, and

then came home.

I miss everyone I met

at The Wall. I made

friends I hope to keep

for the rest of my life.

<3 I love you alll!!!!

So the next post will have

more too it! I have to do

Laundry and stuffs!

<3 Ashley!

*PL&H*